G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra: The Rise of What?

Since I’ve heard of some good reviews and I just don't want to be left out of the discussion on the latest comic book movies, I had to see it.

And I did just last weekend.

I never had a chance to follow the stories on cartoon TV so I didn’t know anything about G.I Joes except that they are a bunch of American superhero types of soldiers. I was hoping the movie wouldn’t confuse me more than just enjoy it.

The movie started with your typical defense contractor type of agency called MARS who had just created a new weapon of mass destruction in the form of “nanomites” capable of eating any metals in just minutes.

I don’t know which nation bought it, but it was being shipped from the company headquarters to the buyer which probably is NATO since NATO forces were in charge of its security. Along the way, the convoy of the “new weapon” was ambushed by a group of hi-tech villains led by a hot kick-ass woman in tight leather pants (it made me think of Kate Beckinsale on the Underworld) played by Sienna Miller who with her jet-black hair I didn’t recognize at all.

I didn’t know she was hot until I saw her in this movie. Geez. Well, back to the movie…

Anyway, they were supposed to steal the new weapons. They were about to get away with it when the Joes, as they were called, arrived and saved the day (in this case night).

The whole movie is full of action, and yes special effects, from start to finish.

The plot details of the movie are a bit vague. Even the sub-plots that were supposed to explain details on personalities of the main characters were forced to come up as “flashbacks” were a bit off. While they explain why for example the two ninjas on the opposite sides knew each other and how the Baroness knew the main character, they came off as an annoying though informative.

The whole movie was entranced to the special effects and the action pace that it forgot to explain the whole plot and how characters become necessary parts of it. The ninjas were out of place. Marlon Wayans flying skills were just like magic.

How can you fly a plane so sophisticated in one try and not only you got it right, you also were able to outmaneuver a few missiles scattered all over the globe and beat it? Only in the movies.

The grand plan of the villain to launch the missiles full of nanomites to destroy major cities does not make any sense. He planned for these cities to decay so he can rise above all leaders to unite and control the world. As to how to proceed afterwards, nobody knew.

A lot of stuff in the movie does not make any sense too. I know, this is an action-sci-fi kind of movie. But at least some Sci-Fi’s have been thoroughly researched and even though the physics may not exactly be correct, it may seem probable.

Take the scene where the Cobra’s base was under the polar region. When it exploded, most of the ice chunks fell to the bottom of the sea. Well, if you go to the Polar Regions, huge and literally mountains of ice float on the water. They don’t fall to the bottom, they float.

The Rise of Cobra in the title was also unjustified. The whole movie I kept looking for Cobra, who he is or maybe who they were. There was just a small part in the movie where the villains were trying to experiment on their people. They inject the nanomites and cobra venom inside the bodies that miraculously make them like human robots. They receive commands and feel no pain. The perfect soldiers.

Unfortunately, the Cobras didn’t even rise.

In the end, another villain was able to make himself look just like the U.S. president and was able switch and murder the original one. But this is hardly the main plot. It merely acts as an alternative to whatever “grandplan” there was that did not materialize and only serves as a backdrop for a second movie.

Marlon Wayans, who played Ripcord, provided the comic relief. It’s good to see him in different role other than a marijuana-sniffing douschebag for a change.

Without him, the unending action, and the hotness of the Sienna Miller in tight leather, this movie would be boring. Don't get me wrong, my eight dollars were worth it. If you want action, this is for you.

Just don’t expect a good story to go with it.

The Hangover: This You'd Like to Have

It’s been more than a week since I saw this movie. At first I was just curious about what funny stuff might be in the movie since it was set in Las Vegas. And since it was about a bachelor party in the adult entertainment center of the world, it’s sure to have some serious but hilarious fun.

The movie started on the day the friends of the groom delivered the bad news to the bride... the groom is missing. And that the wedding might not push through.

Flashback to two days earlier when these guys embarked on a road trip to Vegas, the groom played by Justin Bartha was joined by his friends, dentist Stu (Ed Helms), Phil (Bradley Cooper), a schoolteacher and the groom’s future brother-in-law Alan (Zach Galifianakis).

Before the night started, they all went up on top of the roof of the Caesar’s Palace and enjoyed a toast of Jagermeister. The presence of that drink alone creates chuckles since it is common that this drink is a very strong one with a distinct but weird taste. Think Vicks Vaporub. I tried this several times and it’s really got its kick, I tell you that.

They did their ceremonial toast, saying goodbye to freedom and of being single. But not quite... this would be the groom's his last night, as single and it would be the groom’s best night as a bachelor. They drank. And then, all went black….

That was it. That’s the whole story. Anti-climactic you might think? Actually the story had just started.

They woke up the next morning oblivious to what happened the night before. The expensive suite they had rented had been trashed, there’s a tiger in the bathroom, a chicken, in the room, Stu the dentist is missing a tooth, and there’s a crying baby in the closet. When they gave the parking ticket to the valet attendant, he brought them a police car.

And worst, the wedding is in a few hours and they couldn’t find the groom.

Their search for the groom is the whole enchilada for the movie. And since none of the viewers had any idea as well, they were now drawn into the search themselves While the three guys retrace their steps that might lead them to understand what happened and ultimately help them find the missing groom, the viewer is also being led to understand the whole mystery too.

The whole day spent on fact-finding led them to a wedding chapel, a Chinese mobster, the cops, the emergency room, a hooker, and Mike Tyson. I would not spill the details so as not to spoil the entire movie.

It is best to see it without any hint of what happened. Believe me, you would enjoy it.

The feeling of confusion and the realization the day after the drinking spree is not unfamiliar to me. I have had my own share of nights when I go blackout. And while it is quite embarrassing, after a while, you’d see the whole thing as an over the top but hilarious adventure.

The Hangover is one crazy twist of one-night getaways with the boys cum road trip kind of movie in a wicked funny sort of way. It is very wise for the movie to be told in a narrative, and the viewers were kept in suspense as the mystery unravels piece by piece.

And at the end of it, after the guys have found their groom and thought they all have it figured out, and after the viewers thought the laughter had come and gone… they found a camera that spilled all the details of what really happened the night before.

And that would bring down the house with people laughing all the way to the exit doors.

Who Watches The Watchmen?

I had seen the movie in theaters months ago but for some reason I haven’t posted a review yet. But now that the DVD is out, I need to fill this out.

Who watches the watchmen?

At least I did. I was adamant on not passing on this one. I have passed Iron man on theaters before and when I finally saw it months later, I was sorry I didn’t see it on the big screen. You see, a good movie is best seen on the wide screen, with all the walls bombarding you with the sounds that come along with it.

And of course, the popcorn.

The movie started off on flashbacks on the world fed up with vigilantism and the superheroes who were working for the government. It was set on a parallel American history where the US have extended Nixon’s term, the Vietnam war was won by help from the superheroes especially Dr. Manhattan.

Except from Dr. Manhattan whose powers were brought about by a nuclear accident, none have superpowers. The physics doctor's accident apparently turned him into a member of the Vegas-based Blueman Group with huge quantum super powers he can technically bend light, matter and space. He was breaking any known and imaginable laws of physics Einstein would have been shamed.

A guy who turned out to be The Comedian, a former superhero still employed by the government, was murdered in his home. That sets off a motion for another semi-retired superhero named Rorschart to suspect that someone is out to destroy the rest of the surviving superheroes.


I love that the story tries to project a sense of realism by superimposing parallel history on it and by proposing pretty much an idea that superheroes don't need superpowers (except of course in the case of Dr. Manhattan). It also shows the danger of such superheroes acting on their own without oversight and a limit on other areas such as rules of engagement, and legal liabilities.

I love the collage at the start of the movie where it shows flashbacks on the happy days of these superheroes. It made me think of the fond memories of college or high school. When you and your friends act and think of nothing but the pleasure of each others company and doing something together that you truly enjoy.

Quite obviously, except for the opening collage, the tight leathers, the retro vibe and some voyeuristic scenes, I still find the story dragging and the movie as a whole, boring.